{Something New}

I'm trying something new-ish, and it has me wrapped up in all sorts of feelings.

I worry too much.  If you haven't figured that one out yet.  :)

Ever since I could grasp a pen, I have loved to draw.  No exaggeration.  I was that child that constantly had marker or ink smeared across my entire self day in and day out.  Drawing was my thing.  Not that I produced any remarkable pieces of art to write home about.  Nor was I some genius child artist.  Nope.  I just like to draw, and color, preferably with just black ink.  Something about the flow of solid color calms my mind...

Until I share what I did.  Then I panic.  What if my friends think it's awful, but that can't tell me, because seriously, you don't tell people that.  Or what if they're sick of seeing what I draw and I'm one of "those people" that over share and think too highly of themselves.  What will people think of me???

But I love to draw.  And maybe, I do sorta like to hear the praise, wether it's lies or real, with demanding careers, and children, and a to-do list five times the size of earth, you don't get many compliments.

I decided to make use of this hobby and turn a drawing into a sellable coloring page... and then I panicked.  Because maybe truly I've crossed the line thinking way too much of my skills, and thinking some one would actually pay their hard earned money for anything I drew, while watching Star Trek re-runs, in my pajamas.  I'm not sure if I'm complicated, conflicted, confused, or just 100% normal.  But I'm pretty sure this whole new idea thing has been scarier than that 80 pound german shepherd that tried to eat my hand last month.

I truly wish God would write my true calling on am mountain side so I could stop worrying about all these silly things, but until then, I suppose this is just me.  Bundles of emotion, and feelings, and thoughts wrapped up into everything I make.  Maybe I'll never be comfortable, maybe I will.

And if you're still following through any of this mess of words here's my shop link to giggle and or purchase the sketch that's causing all this vomit of words:flower-coloring-page-1  If you do choose to humor me, I'd love to see your finished coloring page!  So make sure to link it in the comments!

~ Emily

You Are What You Sit On?

I have a favorite saying that goes a bit like this...

meme from facebook, source unknown

I get it, I do.  Life flipping sucks some days.  And yes every last dang one of us on this entire planet have wanted to die.  That's called being alive.  You want to die, but you have to live and move on.  That's life.  And someone always has had it way harder than we'll ever be able to imagine.  ALWAYS.  That doesn't mean you can't begrudge the fates.  That doesn't mean you can't drink an entire bottle of wine on the bathroom floor while screaming out to your demons and smoking cigarettes until you can't take another sobbing breath in because DANG this SUCKS.  You are allowed your pain.  You've earned your moment to suffer.  But you my friend are still here because you are needed.  You have more to do, and your pain is not your name.  I am not my illness.  Nope, I'm Emily.  I don't live because of my pain, I live in spite of it, I live to not be it.  That doesn't mean it isn't there, and isn't shaping me, and changing my life.  Just like your hurts, or illnesses, or horrid pasts don't effect you.  But they are NOT you.  And you have no right to live for the pain or hurt.  You have no right to stop being anything but you.  And you have no right to use your hurt, whatever it may be to say others can't imagine, and therefor you can't be you.  Nope.  Wrong answer.  Get over your drama queen self, because others do get it, others suffer way more and do amazing things, and you my friend can be whatever you set out for.  Get off the cactus, put that sucker in the window, and let it BLOOM.  Cry when you stab your finger and move on.  

With much love and compassion,

the girl who gets it, and who would love nothing more than being able to hibernate forever right now.

~Emily

{This is REAL Life}

We all know those people.  Those perfect people.  The people with spotless photos, the ones that look like scenes from magazines, with their perfect children, and spotless homes, and flawless smiles.  The ones we always stumble on while we're hiding from the kids who are yelling at each other again, while the puppy is running off with your favorite shoes, the phone is ringing, dinner is burnt... Those people.

I don't want to be those people.  I like pretty pictures, and I like sharing pretty pictures.  But I want to be real.  Really real.  Not the real those kind of people say they're going to be when they fake a hair out of place... Nope, I want to be REAL.  Because my life is crazy.  Madness is our middle name here, and if I edited away the background of our days, we'd loose what makes us who we are.  And while I'll beg that you call before you ever visit, so I can at least spray the air with windex to make things at least smell clean... I'm gonna show and tell you all about real life here... 

Like when one day your wallpaper from the previous home owners literally starts driving you mad.  It was yellowed, and yellow, and had weird aged lines, and a gross texture, and had to be at least 40 years old, and not a cool vintage, but just OLD... And then I started to feel like this...The-Yellow-Wall-Paper.pdf   So in a fit of madness, I began to rip it all done, and over a year later we're still finishing that room.  Why?  Floods happened, and layoffs happened, and life happened, and job changes happened, and puppies, and children, and LIFE.  We literally just finished it enough this weekend so I could hand my curtains up that have been sitting here since the spring, and so I could put up my ADULT Christmas Tree.  Because the husband and myself sharing a tree is like boxing a lion.  It ain't happening.  He likes flash, and I like Martha Stewart, the puritan/shaker/backwoods/french/country/chic.  And then the kids start to beg to help decorate the adult tree, and so you let them, while a cat hides in the branches and attacks all of us, and really it's a mess, and looks nothing like Better Homes and Gardens, and is way not internet ready... but you know what?  It's ours.  It's there.  And we laughed.  We don't do that nearly enough.

And the kids didn't fight the whole time, if you can even believe that.  Christmas Miracle?  Close enough.  So the trim is all over there floor, the walls aren't finished, and my collection of china is still waiting for a home... but this is REAL life.  And it's better than not living because things aren't perfect.

Go on now, share something real, somewhere, enjoy it, savor it, have a laugh.  Time is always running out after all.

~Emily

A Few of My Favorite Things ~ {Teeccino Tea}

I'm not the best at changing old habits, and trying new things.  I like what I like.  Like coffee, I LIKE COFFEE.  Black Coffee.  Straight up, nothing in it, full of caffeine and all the other goodness, that my stomach doesn't quite approve of anymore.  So these four boxes of tea that's said to taste like coffee have been sitting around for a wee bit, serving me in no way what so ever.  (Yes every post for the next 400 days will focus on living on purpose, you'll get used to it I promise).

So the story with Teeccino, is that it's tea made with Chicory and other herbs, that it's caffeine free, and tastes just like coffee.  And other IBS, IBD, Fibro, Thyroid ladies with a need for daily coffee swear by it.  I ran off to Amazon and found this 4 pack pretty cheap to try it out.  I snapped a shot of the vanilla nut flavor so everyone can see the ingredient list...

I have a problem when I make it though.  The process gets my mind set on tea... I grab my shiny teapot, fill it up, wait for the whistle (yes I have and use a real tea pot, who can just drink one wee little cup of tea?), pour, wait for it to steep and do it's thing (I really need one of those tea holder dipper things.  Technical term of course).. and then I sip...

And it tastes like coffee.  But my mind thinks it should taste like tea.  And my taste buds are all sorts of confused.  So I suppose that's a win for the company, their tea really does taste like coffee, although maybe a bit weaker than my normal brew.  And so far, I haven't had any noticeable stomach issues either, all though I think it's too early to call a true success there.  There's defiantly no coffee jitters since it's caffeine free, and it's defiantly not sweet like many flavored coffees, which I prefer it not sweet, so there's a win for me.

Now to get myself in the habit of filling my favorite mug with Teechino in the morning instead of coffee to see if it helps make a difference with my health...  It's definitely a worthy product of the morning mug.

How about you?  What's your go-to for your favorite mug?

~Emily


(legal notice: I was not paid, asked for, or any of that stuff for this review, I just like reviewing things.  I also was not given any product in hopes for a review.  Thanks!)

That Kind of Night

It's one of those kind of nights, you know the ones.  I'm itching to get all the things done, yet none of them inspire me.  I start one project, five minutes in, I'm staring off in space thinking about what I should do next.  Because I have to be doing something, but I really don't want to be doing anything, but not doing anything will drive me insane.

I've worked on my secret project, worked on a website, edited photos, deleted photos, tried to type a paper or 2... None of it is sitting right.  None of it is hitting the spot.  Kind of like coming home from the grocery store, and not being able to find anything to eat.  That kind of night.

There's tons on my plate.  Some of those things might be really good things.  Some are eh.  Some are stupid adult things, like bills, and things I'm positive God never intended on us having to deal with.  ( I kid).  And maybe that's where I'm going a wee bit nuts.  I might have gotten some pretty good news.  I might be working on something really great for me.  I might possibly be doing something right.  Maybe.  Possibly.  But I don't know yet.

Then again I might have been too busy over the past few months, and I might have hit ultimate burnout.

I always wonder if successful people (you know the ones you love to hate, and hate to love, but have to stalk on the inter webs) are as indecisive as I am?  Surely they can't be, but have they always known what was the right path?  Or did they write attention deficit rich blog posts late at night about how they have no clue what to do like me?

One of my goals for my year of living with purpose is going to have to deal with my busy factor.  I need to learn to stop doing at night, and to relax without working on something.  If you were to see my chair in the living room you'd see a pile of yarn with 2 unfinished afghans, a pile of DMC floss with even more unfinished bracelets, a sketch pad, a notebook, a pile of books, my laptop, my phone, my tablet...  Doing is what I find relaxing, but one can't be doing while spending quality time with the family.  And living with purpose includes making every moment count for your family as well.

Living with purpose, while your mind is buzzing around like a bumble bee... I'll get there.  One goofy sort of night at a time.

~Emily

{Be Still}

I'm amazed at how quickly the seasons of our lives can change.  Lately I've found my seasons are changing faster than the weather out here, or at least that's how things seem.  I wanna compare the past decade to playing musical chairs on a merry-go-round.  I've been lost, excited, depressed, content, searching, changing, lonely, crowded... all the feelings.  I'm ready to get off of that ride.  Yesterday.  I'm ready to slow down, and take life in while I'm drifting down the lazy river, but I don't want an aimless ride, I want to get somewhere with purpose, but enjoying the ride and the scenery.  

I want to get somewhere.

I want to make memories.

I want an Intentional life.

There's a list of demands I have been composing for myself, decluttering, working on health, finding more beauty in the world, smiling more often, get more sleep...  I can jump around from goals to goals, and from one list to another in an instant.  If there were Olympics for starting projects, I'd win gold, no contest.  I'm truly not happy unless I'm creating something.  I'm defiantly blessed with a talent of creating and making, but when your mind is spinning at warp speed thinking of all the things that need to be made RIGHT NOW, progress rarely happens.  You'll see that thought process' handy work throughout this blog for sure.  So when I decided to start planning ahead for my new year, the words I picked to be my motto made perfect sense to be in so many ways...

BE STILL

The phrase is commonly used in the bible in the context of calming fear, doubt, and anxiety.  Psalm 46:10 to be exact, "Be still and know that I am God."  When you read the entire passage, the author is telling us in short, "Knock it off, chill out, stop running around with your head cut off, breathe!"  God has this all covered... if we can slow down long enough to allow Him to do His thing.  I can not think of a more fitting verse on the planet than this for me.  For living my days with more intention, more purpose.  If I ever were to disappoint my mom and get a visible tattoo on my arm it would be this woven into a cross.  Sorry mom.  <3

I'm determined.  My life is way too busy, and has far too little direction.  I'm ready.  With new growth we must first shed some old skin, pull some old weeds, and toss the clutter.  I'm still working on this list, shedding things isn't as easy as I wish it were.  My intention is to share my journey here, I miss my years of writing online, and the relief it brought my mind to empty all those spinning thoughts.  More intention, less quick status updates without depth or true purpose throughout the webs.  And hopefully some better flow, and planning will develop in my writing skills as we go.  :p  

Want to join me?

I'm following the lead of Lara Casey and her book {Make it Happen} along with Emily Ley's book {Grace not Perfection}, and I highly recommend both books, and everything else the authors have listed on their sites.  I'll be sharing more on those later.  You'll still be able to join my journey without the books, if I plan this all out right.  :)  

How about you?  Do you pick a word to define your new year?  If you do what words are you thinking about for 2018?

~ Emily